Rule 34 pretty much speaks for itself. If you are unfamiliar, just search Google. But as an offshoot of Rule 34 which I’m inventing now, if something is popular enough, eventually someone is going to make a sex toy with the theme of that popular thing. So: Pokémon sex toys.
Following the resounding success of Pokémon GoThe entrepreneurial spirit of GeekySexToys spawned the rubbery fun products Pallet Town has been waiting for: Bulbasaur, Charmander, Spuirtle – and, of course – Pikachu-themed dildos.
If you’re still reading (or even clicking in the first place), here’s the detailed description of each sex toy, according to the Etsy listing:
A grass-type Pokémoan. Bulby has a big hint of seed, which makes him a very nice friend to have. Its seed is 5cm wide and 4cm high and its body is 16cm high and 3.5cm wide.
A slightly thinner fire-type Pokémoan with a flaming tail. Standing 18cm tall and 4cm wide at its widest point, Charmy gives intense orgasms wherever he goes.
A water Pokémoan. Squirty has a round, smooth head with a large grooved turtle shell on the back. Her bubbly head is 4cm wide while her body is 6cm wide and 14cm high.
This small electric-type anal Pokémoan is the perfect size for the average Pokémoan trainer. Piky is an extremely cute but essential addition to your team. Its insertable size is 2.5cm wide by 4cm high and its tail is 8cm long.
The set of four skin-safe silicone dongs will set you back $ 199, plus shipping and probably some dignity. OK, all your dignity. BUT it also comes with a special Pokécase (not a sanctioned term), and they come from the land below. No, not your lower regions … Australia! Although they will probably end up emigrating to your lower regions soon enough. Adult fun!
If you weren’t already intrigued, there are only 50 sets for sale, making them as rare as an Articuno. Catch them all!
No, in fact, you don’t. Just be glad they haven’t done a Snorlax or Pinsir dildo yet.
Ryan Craggs is the senior editor of Thrillist. Its best Pokémon is a CP 1653 Vaporeon, but that doesn’t seem relevant at the moment. Follow it @ryanrcraggs.